Anniversary

Dear Nieve,

Today you would be a year old. It all feels like yesterday and so long ago all at the same time. As the hours approaching the one where you were born pass, I catch myself looking at the clock and thinking about where we were and what we were doing this time last year.

I miss you every single day. Our baby in the stars. I don’t often think of what you would be doing ‘now’. You are locked forever in time as that tiny little baby who we adored and wanted for so much.

Your brother is here. When he sleeps he looks just like you and it melts and breaks my heart all at once. We bought him a special keepsake ‘angel teddy’ from you; it sits overlooking his nursery, just as I imagine you overlooking him. 

We saw the robin you sent to us, Perched outside the hospital as we went in to deliver Elliot. A sign from you that all would be well. That you were by our side.

When I look at Elliot I feel so overwhelmingly lucky but I also feel a deep ache for the life you would’ve had. I feel blessed and robbed all at once. Complete and incomplete. Overjoyed and achingly sad.

We all love you so much. My little girl. My angel. My baby locked in time. My baby in the stars. Look out for your sky lanterns tonight, lighting up the night like the never ending love we have for you.

We miss you so much,

Love mummy xx

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